in 2017 i was in london where they dont trick or treat. i lived in the dorms with j who was my closest friend and another american.

i messaged her on 11/07/18

since we were both from america people were always talking to us about american stuff like school shootings and country music. we waited on line for 3 hours to get into the coronet club. it was the last time i wore a skirt or makeup that year. we got in the club and immediately a fight broke out. some boys followed us while we were walking around. someone stole my hat. we left after an hour.

we continued to try to immerse ourselves in london club culture. neither of us were trying to meet anyone so we would just go and dance. id never been in a place where i knew so few people but was able to do a lot of things. i went out with intimidating girls who all seemed to know each other and a boy who called the music i liked 'art music' but was friends with a lot of the people i listened to anyway. j was homesick and talked about home a lot. it turned out that we had mutual friends from california. i met up with a girl i went to school with in new york years ago who knew some friends of mine from home. the boy i went out with knew musicians id gone to high school with. everything felt connected for a few months. i tried not to think about anything in broad terms to avoid catastrophizing but i knew that even though this halloween hadn't been so great it had in it the elements that made my life better than it had been last year